Home is where the heart is

Time really flies. 27 days ago, my family came all the way from KK to be with me during my confinement. Those 27 days came and went like a gush of wind...The minutes, hours and days seemed shorter and just like that, they're gone. When they were here, I got the old taste of home which was so warm, loving and wonderful. It was just as wonderful as I had imagined for many many months. It felt so good to have them here that I momentarily 'forget' the luxury was temporary. I had forgotten how painful it was to say goodbye to them 9 months ago. I had forgotten how difficult it was to hold my tears. I had forgotten how sad it felt to let go.

Five hours ago, I was reminded of all those feelings as I waved my family goodbye. As I walked out from the departure hall, I tell myself that it will be okay. I am not 'okay' right now but I will be...All I need is time.

   

I dedicate this poem to my sister. 

Dear Cha 

If I could have my way, 

I'd fly back to KK, I'll forget about PhD, 

so I can keep you company; 

If I could have my way,

I'd ask and beg you to stay,

I'll get you a visa and you say "okay" 

We'd go shopping at Westfield every day; 

If I could have my way, 

I'd fast forward this journey, 

Tomorrow would be graduation day, 

I'd be home, with my victory; 

Sadly, I can't have my way you see, 

I know it's tough for you and me, 

But that day will come I guarantee, 

I'll graduate, just wait and see. 

Love U :-)

The Baby Story: Part 1

I have thought about writing this post hundreds of times but every time I started, words just elude me. I find it to be such an ordeal to describe the emotions of having my second baby that I almost gave up on writing. Yeah, call me dramatic but it was that difficult for me. It wasn't until today that I finally garnered the will to write. Here's the first part of my baby story.

Baby Alva was born via c-section on 26 June 2009 at approximately 10.48 a.m. She weighed about 2.605 kg and measured 49 cm. The moment they pulled her out of my tummy, I must admit I was more surprised than thrilled to finally see her. First of all, she cried so loudly that I was a bit taken aback by her ungirly-baby cries (since she's a girl I was expecting a more melodious sound). Secondly, at one glance, she looked so much like her dad, that I was thinking "alamak, this one has small eyes too?". So, you can't really blame me for not being thrilled automatically. I was after all anesthetized.

After they've weighed, measured and cleaned her, the midwife quickly brought her to me and gave us the "skin to skin" contact. It was then that I could hold her and really see her for the first time after 38 weeks of pregnancy. Bundled in a white towel, she was very quiet and comfortable, looking adorably helpless and fragile. I looked at the tiny bundle on my breasts and it was at that moment that I fell in love with her. "I have finally popped and here she is!" I told myself. The skin to skin bonding was really wonderful and it gave me warm feelings all over. I felt relieved, overwhelmed, happy, amused, excited and in awe. It was so surreal to me that I couldn't believe I managed to go through another grueling c-section for the second time. It was unpleasant, yes. But all the pain was worth the effort. I have finally gotten my Barbie doll :-) Baby Alva Hazelle Alexius

Surviving the Third Trimester

One of the reasons why it’s taken me so long to write this post is because my life has been quite frenzied the past two months. It was filled with pre-natal autumn blues, proposal-writing dilemma and chaos of house chores. These petty-like hindrances may seem insignificant but they have made it impossible for me to sit back and relax.

Today, however, everything’s changed. I am now able to stop and smell the roses. Yup! It all happened the moment I submitted my proposal to the College admin office two hours ago. I feel like a free woman now and I can just concentrate on being pregnant. That in itself is not an easy task to do. I’m now in my third trimester, approaching the 31st week of pregnancy and things couldn’t be more uncomfortable. The baby’s every movement is anything but subtle and most of the time, I feel like I have a little gymnast in my belly. I was told by my midwife last week that Braxton-Hick contractions are part and parcel of the second half of pregnancy and lucky for me, become more frequent during the third trimester. This has made sleeping a conscious and laborious effort for me at night and when I wake up in the morning, a sleep-deprived face greets me in the mirror. The only consolation I have is, this will soon be over in 8 week’s time and all I can do now is just suck it and endure the heartburn and lower back pain as much as I can.

Physically, I can’t wait to pop just to be able to feel in-charge of my own body. At the same time, part of me wants to prolong this moment we have with Alden, as a family of three. Now, it’s just Mama, Dada and Alden. By end of June, it’ll be Mama, Dada, Alden and Baby X. It’s a big change especially for Alden and at the tender age of three, I wouldn’t want him to feel neglected or less-loved when his little sister (hopefully) enters his world. So far, Alden has been such a good sport about having a sister, though I doubt he understands what it really means. Every night, he’d say hello to Baby X and kiss my belly lovingly. Then when I ask him whether he’d like to have “adik” (referring to cousin Demita) he’d say “NO”. Hehe..I guess this Baby X will definitely rock Alden’s world in more ways than one. Just like how Alden has rocked my world upside down the moment he was born. Though I’m excited to meet Baby X, I’m just as excited to see how Alden would react the first time he’s introduced to his little sister.

Trauma

The scariest moment in my life happened about 24 hours ago. Early yesterday morning, my Alden had a fever so we took him to our GP at Kaiapoi Medical Centre immediately. After he was given fever medicine, he got better and seemed to recover. I didn't send him to playschool because hubby was at home to keep an eye on him. So as planned, I went to campus and attended a few seminars. After a hectic day in campus, I got home at about 6.50 pm and immediately checked on Alden. Hubby told me that Alden had taken his medication and was being a bit cranky while I was gone. His temperature was still going up and down despite taking the fever medicine. Wanting to comfort him, I put on his favourite Thomas and friends cd and sat with him. After a while, he insisted that I carry him so I held him in my arms and stroked his hair. When he was lying on my shoulder, I noticed that his eyes were dropping shut. It was then that both hubby and I noticed that Alden went limp and was shutting his eyes. Alarmed, both of us yelled "Alden! Alden!". He was not responding to our voices. He went pale and that's when he started seizing: his body was involuntarily jerking and his lips turned blue. Hubby gave him CPR and at the same time screaming "Let's go to the clinic now!". I took the car keys and hubby quickly got in the car with Alden in his arms. On the way to the clinic, hubby kept telling me that the seizure has stopped and that he was okay but I was too panicky to listen. I was not convinced and sped to the clinic only to discover that it was already closed. Hubby dialed 111 for me and I told the operator our situation. The operator got our details and told me that as long as he was breathing we should just wait for the ambulance to come. About 10 minutes later, what seemed like an eternity, the paramedics arrived. At that time, Alden has stabilised but was still pale. After assessing him, they decided that it was best to go to the hospital. Panicked, I quickly dumped Alden's clothes, diapers and milk formula into a plastic bag and got in the car. Alden and hubby were already in the ambulance and I had to tail them from behind. When we got to the hospital, about 20 minutes later, Alden started being more responsive. I was so relieved. At this point, his temperature was 39.8°. One of the nurses told us to take his clothes off to get his temperature down. Covering him up seemed to aggravate the fever. We were then registered by four different nurses at the emergency ward before we were finally brought to the children ward. There, we were taken to Room 6 to wait for the doctor. A few moments later, she came to the room and started asking questions. She then took Alden's temperature, checked his ears, lungs, took his blood pressure and got him to wear a urine bag for some urine samples. After the examination, Alden's heartbeat and temperature were monitored closely. (This photo here shows Alden's wrist tag at the hospital) After 2 hours, another pediatrician came to explain what really happened. According to her, Alden had a febrile seizure and it is relatively common in toddlers from the age of 6 months to five years. When a fever gets really high, some children respond by having convulsions. While I was relieved to hear this, I was still shaken and couldn't help feeling like a lousy mother. The doctor told us that according to studies done, fever medication does not stop young children from having febrile seizure. “It just happens” she said. She explained that the reason behind the sudden-high rising fever was probably due to the ear infection he had. This was discovered by our GP earlier that morning but she did not make a big fuss out of it. Knowing the cause of the fever made it easier for the doctor to diagnose him. Alden was then given a dosage of fever medication and we were advised to give him lots of fluid. We were also told that children that have had one febrile seizure are at a higher risk of having another – however, it may never happen again. Though Alden had somehow got better, we were advised to spend the night at the hospital so they could monitor him. At 2am, Alden woke up feeling better and his fever subsided. We spent 3 more hours at the hospital just to make sure that he was really okay. At 5.15 am, we checked out from the hospital and finally headed home. For hubby and I, this was the most terrifying thing we had ever experienced. Seeing Alden having the seizure and not knowing how to handle it is the worst feeling in the world. The experience was so traumatic that it took me some time to digest and realise that he was really okay. I'm praying that this never ever happens again, but if it does, now I'll know what to do. *I am so thankful to God that his seizure didn't last more than a minute.He is now okay and has since recovered from fever. I leave you with a description of the seizure Alden had experienced yesterday. It is comforting to know that febrile seizure is medically harmless and has no long-term effects on children. This is taken from www.healthnewsflash.com/conditions/febrile_seizures What are Febrile Seizures in Children? Febrile seizures are convulsions brought on by a fever in infants or small children. During a febrile seizure, a child often loses consciousness and shakes, moving limbs on both sides of the body. Most febrile seizures last a minute or two, although some can be as brief as a few seconds while others last for more than 15 minutes. The majority of children with febrile seizures have rectal temperatures greater than 102 degrees F. Most febrile seizures occur during the first day of a child's fever. Children prone to febrile seizures are not considered to have epilepsy, since epilepsy is characterized by recurrent seizures that are not triggered by fever. How common are febrile seizures? Approximately one in every 25 children will have at least one febrile seizure, and more than one-third of these children will have additional febrile seizures before they outgrow the tendency to have them. Febrile seizures usually occur in children between the ages of 6 months and 5 years and are particularly common in toddlers. Children rarely develop their first febrile seizure before the age of 6 months or after 3 years of age. Are febrile seizures harmful? Although they can be frightening to parents, the vast majority of febrile seizures are harmless. There is no evidence that febrile seizures cause brain damage. Large studies have found that children with febrile seizures have normal school achievement and perform as well on intellectual tests as their siblings who don't have seizures. Even in the rare instances of very prolonged seizures (more than 1 hour), most children recover completely

Geography quiz = F

I’ve always known that I suck in Geography but this flaw has never bothered me until today. Since I am still considered a new student, I had to attend a research orientation in campus which was scheduled from 9am to 3pm. The programme was meant to prepare new post grad students with necessary skills and information needed to embark on a research study. Most of the sessions were hands-on and required very little interactions amongst students, which suited me perfectly. However, during the last session, all of us were expected to put our best foot forward and mingle amongst ourselves.

There I was, lost in translation, thinking hard “Who should I approach?". Finally, a lady who seemed to be in her 40s approached me and started a conversation. Her name was Lucy and she came all the way from Papua New Guinea to do a PhD in Health Science. I scanned her features carefully and matched it to Papua New Guinea and the word Africa immediately sprung to life. Aha! She’s from Africa I concluded. Pleased with myself, I carried on with the conversation but as it went on, I became more and more confused. Lucy told me that a lot of Malaysians are actually working in Papua New Guinea. I thought “Wow! Malaysians go all the way to Africa to work?” Whatever...I just shrugged off my confusion and saved this little piece of information for my evening chat with hubby. Happy with how cool things were going so far, I moved on to the next person. This one’s from Seychelles, a country of which she said has a population of 80000, distributed over 150 islands. I must have looked so blur when she mentioned that, so she decided to quiz me on the location of her country by shooting me with a string of questions. “Do you know where Madagascar is?" (NO) "Do you know where Maldives is?" (NO) "Do you know where the Indian Ocean is?" (Errr..in the ocean?). I guess, she would have stopped pestering me if I had answered ‘yes’ to at least one of those questions. The thing is, I had no clue whatsoever where those places were. Defeated, I just smiled and blurted “I’m really bad at Geography”. I did try to locate the name of the country using my pregnancy brain but it didn’t ring a bell. So, as always, I did the matching strategy and matched her face to the word Seychelles. The answers I got: between Barbados and Hawaii. Since both answers didn't feel right, I kept quiet. There was no choice but to move on.

The next person I met was Alexander, a wonderful chap from France. The moment he talked, the image of Bertrand (my good friend’s hubby) came to life. He sounded soooooooo much like Bertrand and this time, I just had to show that I was knowledgeable enough to guess his citizenship. “You’re from France right?” I asked, beaming proudly. “Yes, how did you guess eh?” (with French accent) Ahh…finally, I could say something about a foreign country so I started with “You see, a very good friend of mine is married to a Frenchman. He’s from Toulouse. Are you from that part of France?”…From that point onwards, Alexander just couldn’t stop talking and talking and talking. Haha. A successful networking effort! So what if I didn’t understand half of what he was saying. It was way better than doing Geography quizzes! The session finally ended and it was indeed a fruitful one.

When I got home, I told hubby about the orientation, the workshop and of course what I got from the mingling session. It was then that he told me “Dear, Papua New Guinea, is tempat om lah, not Africa. Dekat Indon bah”. Oopss...I explained to hubby how I used my matching strategy and said "Muka dia macam orang Africa bah". A map might come in handy for tomorrow's session. No more matching matching game.