Walking on air

This is going to be a very short post. As short as one paragraph and probably less than 150 words. I don't even know why I mentioned that...I guess years of teaching essay writing in class has conditioned me to think about paragraphs, topic sentences, word limit etc when it comes to writing. But anyway, this is NOT an essay, so I can blab about what I need to blab in one paragraph. The main idea of this post is: I WILL BE FLYING BACK TO KK NEXT YEAR!!!! YES, NEXT YEAR. 349 days from now :-D Thanks to CL who told me about the AIRASIA BIG SALE (God Bless Dato' Tony Fernandez!), I have managed to purchase a one-way ticket from Melbourne to KL at an unbelievable price. So here's the plan. We're flying from Christchurch to Melbourne, Melbourne to KL and finally KL to KK. Home sweet home...ahhhh...Can you imagine how ecstatic I am? I don't think so. I have been high in cloud nine for the last 24 hours, thinking about my balik kampung trip next year. Thank you CL, thank you AIRASIA. Now, everyone in the family can fly - and that's my closure for this short paragraph of a post!

Attack of the Boredom Bug

Maternity leave is a period where moms get a chance to bond with their babies and recuperate. So far, I have definitely enjoyed my bonding time with Alva as I get to rest and see her grow. Despite this new found joy of being a mommy, I’m starting to feel really bored just being at home all day. Let's face it, there's not much excitement to be found in my routine activities at home. My life now consists of waking up, feeding, cleaning, washing laundry, changing diapers, surfing the net (when possible) and watching Little Einsteins day in and day out.

Yesterday, as I was washing the dishes, I felt so drained and bored that I began to reflect on the things that worry me. The one that came on top was my studies. I was mainly worried about not being able to juggle between work in campus and my motherly duties. Negativity started to sink in and it made me feel totally down. Realizing that my worrying wasn't doing me any good, I then started writing this post to let it all out. These are some of the silly things that crept in my head...

• I don't know what to do with my hair...It's so not vogue 
• my pigmentation is annoying - need to get tenant for Penampang apartment 
• need to read more journals
• Alden's portfolio not done 
• when i get back to work, will Alva be okay at nursery?
• electricity bills killing me...can't wait for winter to end. Hate the winter. 
• how can I get Alden to eat more? 
• house chores...laundry...yuck 
• meeting with Supervisor next week...tension... 
• parcel from Zee hasn't arrived...can't wait to see my new jeans...what if it doesn't fit? Shit! 

bla bla bla....I think I'll spare you the outrageous ones ;-)

All this ranting does not mean that I am not grateful to be at home with Alva. It's just that when your life is centered only around the home, you feel detached from the outside world and everything seems so bleak and uninteresting. I know it's just a matter of adjustment to get things moving again and combat this boredom bug. All I need to do is reorganize my routine and prioritize things. It's the whole balancing act, as my friend CL puts it. This afternoon I sought for advice from my therapist (the world wide web) and found an article that may be useful for mothers like me who are going cookoo at home. Here's part of the article which highlights some good ideas. The full article can be retrieved from http://www.parents.com/family-life/work-money-politics/work-stay-home/staying-home-with-your-new-baby  

Set up a schedule. For most new mothers, a routine gives them something to look forward to and can help stave off boredom and isolation. Try to build regular events into your week. For example, make Monday story time at the library, Wednesday playgroup, and Friday the gym. Use the other days for errands, grocery shopping, and neighborhood walks. "It's easy to stay in your pj's all day," says Denise Talley, mom of Jamison, 8 months. "It takes discipline for me to get up and get ready every morning -- putting on my makeup and fixing my hair -- but it also makes me feel good." Besides getting dressed each day as you did when you went to a job, apply other work strategies to feel more productive. Ritz, for example, makes daily to-do lists, garnering satisfaction by checking things off.  

Develop a support network. Ask at the hospital or your doctor's office for referrals to new-mom groups or breastfeeding support circles and check out your church, your neighborhood parks and recreation department, or your area YWCA for mommy-and-baby gatherings. Sometimes it takes just one connection to get the ball rolling. "I was fortunate to have a sister-in-law just a few miles away with two children, ages 2 and 4," says Michelle Lajiness of Warren, Michigan. "She would visit or check in by phone almost every day. I also joined a playgroup she had started. I went a few times when I was pregnant to get to know the other women." Lajiness also counts on a circle of families at her church that meets once a month to pray, eat, and socialize.  

Reach out online. Check out bulletin boards, join chats, read the news, e-mail family and friends, ask experts parenting questions, or make new friends -- any time of day. For Heather Odeh of Cumming, Georgia, going online helped fill a void. "My colleagues at work gave me a lot of advice about my love life, pregnancy, and more. Once I left to be home with my baby, I felt disconnected from them," says Odeh. "Online newsletters and articles gave me answers to questions about sleeping, eating, and breastfeeding, and provided me with a sense of community." Ralana Chinsolo of Powhatan, West Virginia, says what helped her most was taking classes online to finish a college degree she had been pursuing. "It helped me maintain a sense of self," she says. "There were a lot of single mothers and stay-home moms taking these courses, so we had common ground."  

Make "me" time. When you're home full time, you might feel like all you do is try to meet everyone else's needs, says D'Amico. Do something that makes you feel good, even if it's only for an hour or two a week. Read during naptime rather than doing chores, or put together a cookbook for your church. Join a group that has nothing to do with the baby, such as a book or garden club or a ceramics class. Exercise can help fight depression and keep you fit, which boosts your self-image. For Coleman, committing herself to regular workouts made a big difference. "Before I became pregnant I used to love to jog by the beach. It was a great stress reducer," she says. "For the past few months, I've scheduled time every morning -- as if I were going to work -- to take a walk with the baby." 

 

Redefine your goals. As Ritz looks back over the past 18 months, she laughs at her prior preoccupations -- what to wear to a meeting or whether she would get the next promotion. "It all seems so frivolous now," she says, "compared to watching my baby become a walking, talking, thinking little person." Still goal-oriented, Ritz now aims for new accomplishments, such as a good night's sleep, a nutritious meal, and a meltdown-free day. "Going to work may be fulfilling in a different way, but I wouldn't trade this for anything."

I don't think all the ideas work for me but I'm pretty sure the last two points are practical enough. Having some ME-time is what I need at the moment. I think a trip to the mall tomorrow will give me just that.

Mini Milestones

It has been five days since my family left for KK and though I am still sore at heart, I have to admit I’m feeling better now. I guess the recent flow of wonderful weather has put a smile back on my face and a spring back into my steps. For the past three days, the temperatures have peaked at 16 to 19 degrees Celsius and these double-digit temperatures are forecast to continue for another week. Weather experts believe that the shift in the weather and the presence of sunshine in the afternoons are indication of an early spring this year. I hope they are right about this cause I can’t wait to see the cherry blossoms!

As the season slowly transits from winter to spring, my life somehow goes through a transition of its own. I am now a mother of two and in a few more weeks, I have to come out from post-maternity hibernation and get back to campus *shiver*. I can imagine how chaotic my life will be once that happens. Come to think of it, my life at home is already chaotic, with the screaming, “Alden, don’t spill your Milo!”, the house chores “Alden, clean up your toys!” and sleepless nights, “Dear wake up, can you burp her?”. Yes, I am going through a MAJOR transition. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining at all…simply sharing the bits and pieces of what you’d expect to get when you have an adorably naughty three-year-old and a newborn baby to care for. The effects have started to show and they are now etched on my face. My way of handling all this pressure? Anti-aging moisturizers and secret retail therapy….Shhh….

Anyway, let’s take a breather from the chaos at home and focus on baby Alva instead. Alva's first month has flown by and we celebrated her full moon two weeks ago, when my family was still here. She's now 5 weeks and 6 days old and at 4.01 kg, she’s already acquiring quite a vocabulary of coos and murmurs. She's beginning to smile a lot, a habit she’s developed in her sleep and it's so adorable! Her sleeping smiles give me a hint that she’s going to be a fun little girl, just like her brother.

So far, she has been such a well-behaved baby in the sense that she doesn’t drive me up the walls at night with endless cries for food. She wakes up for a feed a couple of times and after burping she goes right back to sleep. With Alden, the midnite feedings and cries were so frequent. When Alva's not asleep, I try to give her some 'tummy time' and show her a picture book in monochrome. According to my midwife, tummy time is a vital part of the baby's development as important muscles used for moving and exploring are strengthened. Sure enough, Alva enjoys looking at monochrome pictures, lifting her head like a turtle, moving it from side to side as she lies on her tummy. After a minute or two, she gets tired and with a few strokes on her back she dozes to sleep. Isn't that wonderful? This time around baby sitting is so much more relaxed and easy. I know it's probably too early to count my blessings but instincts tell me Alva's good behaviour will linger. As spring draws near, I'm not only excited to see tulips bloom in full swing, I'm just as eager to capture Alva's tiny milestones with my camera :-)

Home is where the heart is

Time really flies. 27 days ago, my family came all the way from KK to be with me during my confinement. Those 27 days came and went like a gush of wind...The minutes, hours and days seemed shorter and just like that, they're gone. When they were here, I got the old taste of home which was so warm, loving and wonderful. It was just as wonderful as I had imagined for many many months. It felt so good to have them here that I momentarily 'forget' the luxury was temporary. I had forgotten how painful it was to say goodbye to them 9 months ago. I had forgotten how difficult it was to hold my tears. I had forgotten how sad it felt to let go.

Five hours ago, I was reminded of all those feelings as I waved my family goodbye. As I walked out from the departure hall, I tell myself that it will be okay. I am not 'okay' right now but I will be...All I need is time.

   

I dedicate this poem to my sister. 

Dear Cha 

If I could have my way, 

I'd fly back to KK, I'll forget about PhD, 

so I can keep you company; 

If I could have my way,

I'd ask and beg you to stay,

I'll get you a visa and you say "okay" 

We'd go shopping at Westfield every day; 

If I could have my way, 

I'd fast forward this journey, 

Tomorrow would be graduation day, 

I'd be home, with my victory; 

Sadly, I can't have my way you see, 

I know it's tough for you and me, 

But that day will come I guarantee, 

I'll graduate, just wait and see. 

Love U :-)

The Baby Story: Part 1

I have thought about writing this post hundreds of times but every time I started, words just elude me. I find it to be such an ordeal to describe the emotions of having my second baby that I almost gave up on writing. Yeah, call me dramatic but it was that difficult for me. It wasn't until today that I finally garnered the will to write. Here's the first part of my baby story.

Baby Alva was born via c-section on 26 June 2009 at approximately 10.48 a.m. She weighed about 2.605 kg and measured 49 cm. The moment they pulled her out of my tummy, I must admit I was more surprised than thrilled to finally see her. First of all, she cried so loudly that I was a bit taken aback by her ungirly-baby cries (since she's a girl I was expecting a more melodious sound). Secondly, at one glance, she looked so much like her dad, that I was thinking "alamak, this one has small eyes too?". So, you can't really blame me for not being thrilled automatically. I was after all anesthetized.

After they've weighed, measured and cleaned her, the midwife quickly brought her to me and gave us the "skin to skin" contact. It was then that I could hold her and really see her for the first time after 38 weeks of pregnancy. Bundled in a white towel, she was very quiet and comfortable, looking adorably helpless and fragile. I looked at the tiny bundle on my breasts and it was at that moment that I fell in love with her. "I have finally popped and here she is!" I told myself. The skin to skin bonding was really wonderful and it gave me warm feelings all over. I felt relieved, overwhelmed, happy, amused, excited and in awe. It was so surreal to me that I couldn't believe I managed to go through another grueling c-section for the second time. It was unpleasant, yes. But all the pain was worth the effort. I have finally gotten my Barbie doll :-) Baby Alva Hazelle Alexius