Bliss

Hi everyone! I am feeling ecstatic today because my mom is finally here!!!

Do you know what this means? It means that I can now spend more time writing my thesis. Yay!! Hubby and I can now go on a date without the kids. Yay!! I can finally take long showers without having to worry about Alden pulling Vava's hair. Yay!! What else? Oh! I can probably make an appointment with the hairdresser next week! Yay!

I am so happy!!! To help you understand the extent of my ecstasy, I present you this awesome video. Enjoy!

Not Everything is Nice and Peachy

Don't you feel like this year's moving a little too fast? Well, I do.

Now that it is July, things are getting pretty hectic at the office. There are tons of stuff to do and half of them are beyond my control. This includes getting new students for my research and a time-slot for data collection sessions.

I thought I had everything covered 4 weeks ago but as fate would have it, some of my respondents decided to screw with me by not returning my questionnaire. They did Task A (Essays) and Task B (tests) but NOT the questionnaire. Why? Because their tutors who are such geniuses told them to do it at home. UNSUPERVISED. And you know what happens when you give students stuff to do at home without telling them it's important right? They just won't do it. There was no pressure from the tutors whatsoever so the kids just didn't bother. I can't begin to explain how shocked I was when they told me this. I just stood there like a frozen statue. 

Point is, the data's tainted and now I'm left with only 15 respondents.The fact that I've paid a second examiner to do the second marking for ALL the essays makes me feel like...I don't know...like I've been ripped off I guess. More than half of the essays are useless now cos I can't correlate the scores with non-existent questionnaire scores. This means I have to do everything all over again in exactly three weeks' time.  Three weeks before my balik kampung trip. There goes the siren of my panic button.

All this crap plus the cold shoulder treatment from the academic manager of College X made me feel so defeated. And last Saturday I went to the cathedral for my usual volunteering shift in that state: moody and volatile.

When I got there, Mr. Q was so pleased to see me cos I had invited him to Alva's birthday party  the previous week. He obviously enjoyed the treat and couldn't stop gushing about the  food at the party. He was yakking about the chicken herbal soup and the noodles and how delicious they were bla bla bla. I told him "Glad you enjoyed them" with a tone that signaled END OF CONVERSATION cos I wasn't in the mood to talk. But he just wouldn't stop you know. He went on talking about hubby's chicken nibbles and the herbal soup (again!) and the noodles. This herbal soup + noodles conversation went on for three more cycles in the period of an hour. At one point, I got so annoyed that I looked away when he was talking to me. I hated feeling so rotten in church but all I wanted to do was shut him up with a mop. He just wouldn't stop! I think he  is seriously weird. I mean, he's like 45 years old with 13 years of guiding experience, working with people etc. but he couldn't even read my facial expression.  

Lucky for me, a Singapore Airline air hostess came just in the nick of time. She wanted a tour of the cathedral so Mr. Q was more than willing to oblige, seeing how gorgeous the lady was. So off they went. After 20 minutes, he was done with the tour. I could see that he was heading back to my spot so I quickly went the opposite direction and headed to the door. I didn't think I could take another version of his chicken nibble story. I wandered outside the cathedral and saw a bunch of kids doing the Haka.

After taking a few pictures, I felt better. I still thought Mr. Q was a moron but I wasn't mad anymore. I decided to end my shift a little bit early and headed to the souvenir shop across the street. I bought a few stuff like printed towels, Kiwi soft toys and of course some cool fridge magnets. And then I got home.

 
This post doesn't have 'the moral of the story' or a hidden lesson etc. It doesn't even have a good closure. I  just wrote aimlessly cos I needed the therapy. :)

Why I love Yoda

I am feeling high again. As in HIGH HIGH HIGH, roller coaster high. Why? Cos I've just had a meeting with Yoda today and FYI, every single meeting with Yoda  is a revelation. He's a true Jedi Master, who knows all and sees all. Taught me well, Yoda has! I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.  You know that song? Hehehe.

As with most meetings with Yoda, there's the good stuff and there's the bad. The good thing is, I now know what to write about and how to write it! Yay! I'm talking about my thesis of course. You see, more than half the time, I don't even know what I'm talking about cos my head is constantly filled with these thoughts: What's my point already? Can anybody understand this? How do I paraphrase XYZ's statement? Do I sound academic enough? It's like I'm floating in a cloud of uncertainty, where everything is fuzzy and blurry and confusing. But after meeting Yoda, I got my Aha! moment and suddenly everything seemed to make perfect sense. Knowing what to do next is just splendid!

Okay, the bad news is, there are tons and tons of scribbles on my papers and that means I have a gazillion of amendments to do. This plus some extra literature I need to include in the discussion  part and conclusion. Having said that, I'm so thankful for the scribbles because they practically tell me where to go, what to say and how to say it. I don't have to crack my head and use 90% of my brain cells to interpret one small data set. I don't need to spend 5 days writing the discussion section. And I don't need to hit my head on the wall when I have a writer's block while attempting to write the conclusion. Why? Cos I have Yoda's precious scribbles!

As you can see, I have a lot to work on. Yoda tells me "you're getting there" but that's the only encouragement he offered. Not that I expected extra credit  btw. I just felt that today, he was more serious than usual. I guess while marking my inscrutable paper,  all the joy of being a supervisor was sucked out of his being. He confirmed this, more or less.

Me: I hope my writing didn't drive you cookoo (smiling weakly)

Yoda: Ooohh...yes. I can't even begin to describe it. It drove me cookoo alright! (Feigning a disgusted expression, eyebrows raised + eye roll!) Now work on that bit and send it across when you're done. I'll see you on Tuesday.

And that's how he left me. Isn't that priceless?

I'll tell you why I blog

A while ago, when I first started blogging I was very conscious about what I wanted to write and how I write it. I only had one reader back then but whenever I blogged, I felt like I was talking to the entire world. Having been so used to feeling the power of the red pen, I couldn't imagine myself being in my students' shoes - writing instead of marking. Because of that, I had a lot of anxieties and dilemmas. What if I sound pathetic? What if they criticize my grammar? What if I sound silly? What if my boss reads this? What if  I get negative feedbacks? There were so many what ifs.

After some time, it dawned to me that nobody gives a hoot what I talk about in my site. I mean, it's not like I'm a celebrity or a politician. So I stopped being perasan, and just let myself go with every post, subtly at first. After a series of self-indulgent entries, I felt really good and I slowly became addicted to the feeling. I wanted to feel good over and over again. I can't explain why, but  there's a sense of accomplishment whenever I click the PUBLISH POST button. To me, it's extremely satisfying and almost as good as s.. No, that's not right. Let me think of something else. It's almost as good as...shopping! That's right. 

Come to think of it, shopping and blogging have a lot in common. Like shopping,  blogging is done when  I'm feeling happy, excited, bored or frustrated. Sometimes it is a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing and sometimes it is deliberated. Point is, blogging is fun. I'm sure most of you can relate to this right?

Well, for those who can't, I'd like to tell you the reasons why I blog. 

Blogging is bonding

Blogging is not always about monologing aimlessly. It is also about bonding and socializing. The activity allows the kind of dialogue that might otherwise be inappropriate to initiate in normal situations. I don't go to the office talking about my frustration with eye bags or my challenges in gym class. I talk about those petty stuff here, in the blogsphere, where any kind of topic is good topic. Because of the freedom in blogging, a variety of posts on a common topic (like undereye wrinkle?) across multiple blogs can be connected into a common thread. Bloggers can then comment on each other's posts, share experiences and give advice. Isn't this a wonderful way of socializing?

Blogging is therapeutic

After a crappy day, I get to let go of all my personal frustrations and anxieties by putting them on paper. I mean, spreadsheet. I get to start afresh with every new entry and  this provides me  with a very therapeutic session. It certainly clears the brain and is a much cheaper alternative to seeing a shrink. Well, not that I need one btw!

Blogging chronicles life

I used to have a diary when I was younger and I loved writing about my thoughts on paper. But like Chelsea Handler said, we shouldn't be stuck in the 90s. Blogging equals a diary in the new millenium. So, instead of having a physical diary, I have this blog to chronicle my life and archive my thoughts. I love rereading my old posts just to laugh at myself. Sometimes, I also cringe and say "Ewww!!! why the heck did I say that?" But I guess, that realization means that I have matured and evolved right?  

 
I am not asking everyone to start blogging. I'm simply making a point. A friend of mine who found out about this blog annoyed me when she remarked that I have nothing else better to do than blog. She said she'd rather concentrate on her research than write aimlessly. She also said "wah ko ada masa lagi for all this nitty gritty stuff?". The last comment irritated me the most. 

So, my message to that friend is, there's more to life than just research. I'm sure you know this cos you seem to be spending a lot of time on Facebook; making comments, checking updates, uploading photos etc. If you have time for Facebook, why can't I have time for blogging? Like they say, one man's junk is another man's treasure.

 

Cos I feel like it

I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!

Did I just make you sing the chorus of Pointer Sisters' I'm so excited? YES I did! Hehe. I just want to set the mood for this post cos at the moment I am feeling a wee bit high. Not tipsy. Just high high you know what I mean?

A few significant things happened today and they all made me happy on so many levels. Shall I list them down?

1. I met Professor X to show him my work and to my surprise, he's pleased with it! He said "well done" many many times sampai I lost count. I don't know whether he meant it or whether he was influenced by my  over-excitement and pretty charts. Whatever. Eat that smart-alec Kusai! After the meeting, I couldn't help feeling giddy and excited cos he's given me so many good ideas to improve my project. He's so intelligent, I wish could have his brain. If he had Christiano Ronaldo's good looks, I  would have fallen in love with him already. Moving on...

2. I found our long lost remote control in the laundry room this afternoon. It was strategically hidden in  a laundry basket under a pile of clothes (thanks Alden!). Why do I get excited over a stupid remote control? Well, imagine having to change the channels manually for 4 weeks and not being able to check the programme info. Imagine getting up every 5 minutes when a certain 3 year old can't decide what cartoon to watch.  Imagine being glued to the same channel just because nobody wants to change it manually. T'was a torturous 4-week! Point is, never ever take your remote control for granted.

3. I weighed myself this morning and found out that I've lost 2 kgs! That's probably 2cm off my waist! I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked at the scale and had to rub my eyes few times to really believe it. When I saw the numbers, my heart leapt and I felt like doing wild acrobatics in the living room, turning somersaults and cartwheels. Not that I'm able to, by the way. I'm just saying. With this achievement, I have 2.5 kg more to lose! Yay!

4. Professor X told me that he'll be away for a month. 33 days to be exact!Will I miss him? But of course I will.  Yoda will not be here to tell me what to do but life must go on. *Deep sigh* For the next 5 weeks, I  won't be having weekly meetings at the office. There will be no discussion about SPSS or thesis writing. There'll be no deadlines to meet. No pressure. Let's have a toast everyone. To freedom and peace of mind!

Okay, I think that is all for now. Please excuse the excessive use of exclamation marks in this post. I can't help it cos....I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!

Like I said, I'm feeling high :)

Autumn is Here

One of the things I do before I start my day is check the weather forecast on Yahoo. I did exactly that this morning and what d'ya know?! It's a perfect weather today! - H 26° L 14°. By 9.30 am, I was so eager to get out of the house just to send Alden to school. 

As I drove to campus, I noticed that the autumn colours are starting to pop out  everywhere. The leaves on the trees are turning to brilliant shades of yellow, red, brown and orange, making the whole landscape absolutey beautiful. 

March officially marks the season of autumn in NZ but we've been having so many warm days that it still feels like summer to me. But like I said, the telltale signs of autumn are starting to show now. I notice that the days are getting shorter, sunset is happening sooner and the nights are getting cooler. I personally love it cos it's not too hot and it's not too cold. Because of this perfect climate, autumn is said to be the best season for gardening. And indeed, when I look around me, I  can see that most of my neighbours have been investing a lot of time beautifying their lawns and garden.


Exhibit A: This house is only a few blocks away from ours.

Exhibit B: A house across the street.

Exhibit C: Another nice house across the street. 

Exhibit D: My next-door neighbour
My neighbour, Rag, has green fingers and he takes great pride in having such a beautiful garden. When hubby suggested  that he should plant other types of flowers to add more colours  and variety to his garden, I wanted to squirm and hide. Why? I'll show you why...

 


I now present you the most outstanding house in the neighbourhood: My house.

Unlike Rag's, our garden has a modest appeal to it. It's simple, dowdy, boring and samak. We have no fancy colour-coordinated flowers or cute garden gnomes. Instead, we have natural growing flowers, green shrubs and some cute lalangs. It's what I call a minimalist approach to gardening. So now do you see why we shouldn't make comments about other people's garden? 


Well, never mind that. Having a less appealing garden can't stop me from enjoying the wonderful autumn weather. Happy Friday everyone :)

18 months to go

My recent meeting with Professor X went pretty well. Once again he has put me back on track. Despite feeling good about the meeting, I can't help feeling like a second fiddle next to Kusai, my officemate  (not real name).

Since both Kusai and I share the same supervisor, we both had our meeting on the same day in our own little office. As always, his appointment came first and mine second. I had to sit at my desk and wait for him to finish before I could have my time with Professor X.  During the meeting, Kusai talked about the progress of his research and the work that he has carried out. Although I appeared to be occupied and  indifferent to what he was saying, I was partially eavesdropping the whole time. Well, technically I wasn't really eavesdropping cos they both knew I was in the room. Let's just say, I was multi-tasking. 

So anyway, I overheard Kusai talking about his research; the laborious data collection procedure,  smooth data analysis, his helpful co-researchers and the generous funding he's getting from  the institution. By the time he finished, my ears were bleeding with envy and I momentarily became this green-eyed monster.

When it was my turn to report, I felt so...inadequate. I don't know if that's the right adjective to describe my feelings but that's how I'd phrase it. INADEQUATE. I told Professor X everything about my data collection procedure which was much simpler compared to Kusai's, my research samples which were relatively smaller compared to Kusai's and the agonizing data analysis which I was still struggling to do. When I finished, Professor X smiled and said "Well done!" Even though he only said it twice during our discussion (Kusai got 7 well-dones btw) I was happy and instantly motivated.

The meeting gave me a great boost cos it made me realize how inefficient I've been. Never mind the babysitting and chicken pox attack. Those are excuses. I need to wisen up, work harder and overcome my inadequacy or should I say inadequacies. I don't want to be second fiddle anymore. I want to go beyond Professor X's expectations and see the look of awe on his face when he sees my work. And I have exactly 18 months to do that. I'd better get started now :)

Sunset at 9.40 p.m.

 

9.45 p.m. looks like this. Still terang benderang. Due to this abnormal phenomenon, my dinner and bedtime routines are officially screwed cos the sun constantly tells me "Hey, it's still early! You are not hungry. You are not sleepy!". I lose sense of time and I start having late dinners, going to bed at 1.00 - 2.00 a.m. in the morning. Just so you know, 1.00 am is way beyond  NZ's standard bedtime.  I'm not entirely sure what the standard norm is, but I reckon it's no later than 10.00 p.m.

Here, even chickens have bedtime. Yes, that's right. Chickens. We discovered this yesterday when hubby went to our neighbour's house for a short visit. Our neighbour Richard rears chicken in his backyard so hubby jokingly insinuated that  his chickens are a noisy bunch, making a lot of "Cuck-A-Cuck-A,Cuck-A-Caw" noise that probably drive him nuts. Richard who obviously thinks the world of his chickens, defended them and surprised hubby with his answer. He said "No, not at all. They are not loud. Right now they are very very quiet cos it is their bedtime". So hubby palak-palak mata la. In awe. Richard is probably the best chicken trainer in the world  who is  blessed with the most intelligent chickens in the history of mankind.

Now where was I? Oh yes. I was talking about this crazy summer phenomenon right. Point is, there's no use getting used to having the sun at night cos in autumn, it'll all change. In a few months' time, daylight saving ends and everything will be total chaos again. My biological alarm clock will go awry and I have to reset it until I can stop depending on the Sun-alarm clock. The latter just messes up everything you know. The best thing to do at the moment is indulge in this sakainess until I  feel normal again.  

Diet

Not so long ago, when I was pregnant with Alva, I ballooned to 68kg. That was me at my heaviest. After delivery, I went through two months of confinement with a diet of chicken soup, plain rice, veggie, bread and crackers. In no time, I managed to lose 10 kg and I wasn’t even trying. After that small success, I took for granted that I would lose the kilos naturally and I started to be more relaxed about losing weight. Apparently, I was wrong. Four months have passed and my weight has remained stagnant. I've reached a plateau.

This realization calls for drastic measures so I started a new diet last week. Today is my 8th day and so far it has been surprisingly good. It’s not without effort I assure you. I have to constantly tell myself that pastries are bad and fruits are good. Even a toast with peanut butter spread is considered a luxury now. That applies to all the demons of junk food out there like Oreos, Sneakers and Pringles. It's madness. There were times I was so tempted to eat a bag of chips lying in the cupboard, I had to close my eyes and count to 10 just to restrain myself from ripping the evil package. One wrong move could ruin a 24-hour effort you know.

So what do I eat? Well, my diet consists of easily prepared food and lots of fruits and veggies. For breakfast, I take Special-K Cornflakes which is 99% fat free with low fat milk. To make it a bit colourful I’d add a sprinkle of raisins and dried fruit so it'll appear more appetizing. For lunch, I'd make myself a chicken salad which consists of shredded chicken meat (mine’s usually taken from Alden's chicken soup) thinly sliced apples and cucumber. You mix them up and voila! you get a delicious chicken-apple salad. Sometimes, that’s not enough so to keep myself from going insane with hunger, I eat apples or whatever fruit available in the fridge.

Finally, dinner time. This is where things get a li-ttle challenging cos I usually have dinner with hubby and he normally prepares a heavy meal. For my diet to work I can only have a small portion of rice, say 5 tablespoon, a generous amount of veggie and whatever dish we’re having that night. Then when I feel like I want to have more, I close my eyes and imagine myself in a swimsuit. That's when all desire ceases and I get myself on track again.

Aside from food intake, regular exercise is equally if not more important. Who doesn't know that right? Back at home I used to play futsal twice a week and there were times I had four games in a week. It felt so good to be active. But that’s highly impossible now cos I don’t have the time nor a team to play with.  Still, I am planning to begin my exercise routine. My plan is to follow a fun workout video and spend around 40 minutes a day doing just that. Ambitious huh? I know you're not convinced. Even I'm not convinced, but to see it in writing makes it much more believable and resolute you see. So far I haven't decided how many days a week I will be working out and since the CD still hasn't arrived, this will have to wait.

So that's the plan. It's tough but it's all about baby steps right? I just hope I have enough will-power to stay in this path.

* Some useful tips for those like me

Control Cravings With a Plan By Gabrielle Reece

Being a Martian

            

As a teacher, I've encountered so many different types of students in class. The Einstein who is always holding a notebook and ahead of everybody. The Critic who watches  your every move and  notices your newly pedicured toes. The Quiet one who remains cool even though there's a natural disaster happening.  The Energizer who's always fired up about everything, from the lesson to the handouts to the homework, you name it. The Hippie who's laid back and couldn't care less about school. The CNN who knows everything about every other student. And finally, the Martian from outer space, confused by the world around her. I think at this moment, I belong in this category - lost and disoriented in my own little world.

Everything about my study is so confusing right now and it just frustrates me to no end. These past few days, I've been sitting at home, staring at this book entitled A Guide to Doing Statistics in Second Language Research, hoping for some kind of miracle to happen. Like having the ability to absorb information. The staring part is actually a way to motivate myself to open the book cos the thought of reading is just too daunting. I've tried it once and it was a nightmare I tell you! Statistics is a horrible horrible subject. Ahh..I wish I could have a tutor who looks like Rob Pattinson to guide me.
It's a good thing I met Yoda yesterday cos he gave me a  little nudge to get me going. He has this amazing ability to help me function systematically like a robot. The problem is, when I don't see him, I get disoriented again and I lose that focus. Now that he's away for three weeks, I have to struggle  independently. Why can't  I remember anything he said during our meeting? *garu kepala*. The notes I've written aren't helping either.

When he comes back, he expects to see a finished product and that's what freaking me out right now.

So. I am back to where I started - staring at buku statistics. Mulau is the word here. Before things get out of hand, I think I'll stop here. Otherwise, I'll start talking about Alden's poop and how it has affected my concentration. Nah, you wouldn't want that would you? Martian signing off :)

Survival Kits for 2010

I purchased these a few days ago. The pink organizer is meant to help me organize my life in 2010 by showing me stuff I need to do, deadlines to meet and papers to submit. Basically what a normal organizer or PDA would do. You all know that right? Okay spare me the 'duh' look. Anyway, the zodiac bible is crucial too because it tells me how capable I am in doing all the stuff listed in the organizer. Zodiac books are meant to do that. They help us understand our personality and they highlight our strengths, positive attributes and specialties.  Well, even though I don't take in everything the book says, it's fun to read and it can be a good source of motivation. Reading something like this every morning will definitely perk up my day:

You have an incredible power of insight, which you use socially, professionally and ultimately spiritually to obtain higher gifts of nature....You're are determined in life and forceful.....You are able to bewitch people...bla bla bla

You heard that? I mean, you read that? I am able to bewitch people! Who would've thought I had such power! Point is, self-motivation. That's all. Now I'm all geared up for 2010. Bring it on.

Oops I did It Again!

Back at home, in a beautiful city called Kota Kinabalu, speed limits are mostly 50 km/h in residential areas and 100 km/h on the highways. Speed traps, either in the form of a camera or a radar device, are quite rare. This explains why I have never ever gotten a speeding ticket.

I’m not saying that I have never violated any traffic rules. In fact, I’ve committed a few traffic violations like parking on the kerb at Wisma Sabah (RM50 fine), not wearing seat belts (policeman let me off), parking in a no parking zone (RM80 fine), talking on the phone (got away - another nice policeman!) and double parking (which most people do). Point is, you can get away with lots of traffic offenses in KK.

I haven't been so lucky in Christchurch. During my time here, I've had a few close encounters with the officials. Let's see, I've gotten one infringement notice for parking in towing zone (totally a misunderstanding), a $150 fine for Disabled Parking violation (it was an emergency), another infringement notice for reasons I can't remember and oh, on one occasion, I had my car clamped for parking on grass. That clamping episode was such an experience! Anyway, in total, I have perpetrated 4 traffic violations in CC, not counting the 4 parking tickets issued by the Uni's traffic patrol.

You know where this is going right?

Yesterday's speeding ticket broke that record and now it has amounted to five. The incident occurred at 11.25 a.m when I was driving to the city along Riccarton Avenue. Since I was already late for an appointment, I stepped on the accelerator, a bit harder than I realized. The posted speed limit said 50km/h which I was..ahem, unaware of. As fate would have it, a traffic patrol caught me pushing 67 km/h when I should have been creeping under 50 km. I was asked to pull over and produce my driver's licence on the spot.  I tried to get away by saying "I wasn't aware of the speed limit...", smiling pitifully, hoping he'd have the decency to let it slip. But there was no response. "I'll make this quick" he finally said, as if giving me a life sentence. He wrote my name and address on paper and issued me a whopping $120 fine. I gulped.

So that's how I got a $120 fine: speeding at a pathetic 67km/h.

Trying hard to ignore the icky feeling of being fined, I proceeded to the Cathedral square for my appointment. When I went to the reception, the clerk told me the Manager had asked me to wait for another 40 minutes. She was occupied with something else. Now why didn't she text me and save me all this trouble? I was livid. I refused to wait because I had just spent $120 to get to the Cathedral to to make it on time to see her. For goodness sake, I had a baby with me, doesn't that count for something?

I left, annoyed and upset. I knew my day was ruined unless I get some kind of therapy. There was only one thing to do.

Retail therapy at the mall!

    my favourite shop

A two-hour session was all I needed to feel good again. After all, who can resist a good Christmas Sale? The jewellery was on BUY 1 FREE 1 and the off-season clothes were on 75% discounts!! I licked my wound and bought a few things. I was very well-behaved you see. I only bought one cocktail dress, a bag which was the only one left and a pair of earrings.

I guess yesterday wasn't all that bad :)

Feeling the Spirit

I signed up to volunteer once a week at Christchurch Cathedral about a month ago. The time is flexible and we get to choose the day and hours we like, so this fits me perfectly. My chosen time is Saturday morning and yesterday was my second shift.

Having had a crappy mood the day before, I was looking forward to the volunteering job to ease my mind off my studies. As a Cathedral guardian, my job is to greet visitors with a friendly face, offer help when needed, answer questions about the Cathedral and talk to visitors about giving donation to the Cathedral in a positive way. They all sound fairly easy but they're really not.

 

I particularly do not like the asking for donation part because some visitors are just there to take pictures and hate being pestered. Being new, I am normally teamed up with 2 other experienced volunteers who have mastered the art of asking donations so for the time being I am safe from this task. Hehe.

The Cathedral is a very prominent landmark in Christchurch. It is located right at the centre of Christchurch because the city was established as an Anglican settlement and its leaders wanted to have a Cathedral at its heart.Over 700 000 people come here each year to worship and see this beautiful church. The view inside is breathtaking and you can understand why some people come here everyday just to sit and relax for a few hours.

We did not have a big crowd yesterday so I took the opportunity to explore the Cathedral and take some pictures. This is the Votive Candle Stand. It's a very attractive spot in the Cathedral and people from all over the world come here to pray and light up candles for their loved ones. I  myself lit 5 candles for my family, friends and my studies - the 2 miserable hours remember?

 

The Votive Candle Stand

After lighting candle number 5, it was very tempting to light more and more candles on the stand because...well...it's just fun okay? I managed to restrain the silly urge and stopped myself from playing candles on my second day as a volunteer. Phew! Good thing I did because when I turned back, I realized that  Quintin, the head volunteer  was observing me. Yikes! Terus I pura pura cleaned the candle stand and scurried to the entrance to welcome a granny.

After awhile, more visitors came in and things started to get busy. Quite a number of people wanted to go up the tower so I was quite occupied, ushering visitors to the special door leading to the tower climb. One needs to climb 134 steps to get to the viewing platforms that give panoramic views of the city. This is certainly a must-do activity if you're visiting the Cathedral.

Towards the end of my shift, I started feeling hungry and well...a little bit bored too (bad of me, I know). Lucky for me the Cathedral's choir made up of 15 girls from the age of 6 to 15 had a practice that day. They were preparing for the Sunday service as well as a special Christmas service on the 25th. I sat in the back of the Nave and waited for them to sing the first song. When they did, I had goosebumps all over my body. I think my jaw dropped a few inches and I noticed that conversations among visitors came to a shuddering halt. They are that good. Mesmerized, I quickly moved from the Nave at the back to the front seats so I could really enjoy the Christmas carols. They sang like angels and they were brilliant.

My shift ended at 12.00 noon and as I walked out from the Cathedral, I had a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Maybe it's the Christmas spirit or maybe it's just the happy feeling of knowing I was having Hainan chicken rice for lunch but whatever it was, it made me feel good. I went home happy and high-spirited, all crappiness disappeared!

Spring fever is over, summer's here

Spring fever is over, summer’s here,
Can’t believe it has been a year,

What have I done for two semesters?

Nothing much, Oh dear! Oh dear!

Spring fever is over, summer’s here,

Deadlines draw near, but I don’t bother,

Tis’ a syndrome faced by many writers,

PROCRASTINATE – does that sound familiar?

Spring fever is over, summer’s here,

It’s time to switch gears, no time to ponder,

Do it now, instead of later,

It sounds clichéd but I need a closer;

Goodbye spring, welcome summer,

Everything should be better and brighter,

Create in your mind a print of the future,

What’s foggy will be clear, your doubts disappear.

For better or for worse, in good times and in bad

Back in 2007, I attended a research methodology course designed for PhD candidates. The aim of the course was to provide us with a basic knowledge of post-grad research and  give us an idea of what to expect as we embark on the journey. One of the speakers made quite an impression on me when she stated  "Your PhD is like your marriage; if you don't work at it, it'll end up in a divorce". After dropping that bomb of a simile, she went on saying that life will be tough, complicated, challenging and hectic. Basically, all the negatives. At that time, I didn't think much of it and thought she might have exaggerated a little. Well, after what I have gone through this week, I must admit her words rang true.

I am taking a deep breath now. I just need to get all this frustration out of my system.

I know I've been talking in riddles and some of you might be asking Helloooo, apa ba ko mau cakap ni? So I'm going to start my story chronologically so you'll understand my disposition. WHY do I want to do that? Because it gives me a sense of order and because at this moment, every part of my study is NOT in order. So stop questioning me (I'm talking to myself).

12/10/2009
My data collection was scheduled this week and I have been planning, preparing and anticipating it for months. The first session was done on Monday, during the students' orientation day. I was told by the Programme Coordinator that I could take one of the slots during the orientation sessions scheduled at 2.30 pm. My aim was to recruit as many participants as I could for my research and get them sign a consent sheet. Sounds so simple right? NO. I waited for almost 3 hours for all the sessions to end. The Programme Coordinator was supposed to sell my research to the students and help with the recruitment. Unfortunately, he did not keep his promise and I had to sell myself to a roomful of uninterested people. They didn't take the bait. I ended up looking like an opportunist who was up to no good. Needless to say, very few volunteered and signed the consent sheets.

I am frustrated not because of the low turnout. I am more disappointed in the fact that my time was wasted after all that careful planning. You see, since hubby has started working, I have lost some of my flexibilities and now every appointment needs to be planned carefully.  On Monday for instance, I had to book a casual (expensive) half-day session for Alden and asked for Es' help in babysitting Alva. In the morning, I had to send hubby to work (together with the kids) and get back home to get them ready. There's the feeding, the shower, the lunch box, the back pack, the baby bag, the milk bottle and a zillion of things to do and prepare. Then, I had to send Alden to school and drive all the way to Kaiapoi to send Alva. I then drove back to UC only to be disappointed by a low turnout. That was Monday.

My roomate and part time babysitter, Yuki

13/10/2009
On Tuesday, I was all geared up to meet my participants who had willingly signed the consent sheets. This time, I couldn't afford to trouble Es so I asked Shidra, my colleague to help me babysit Alva in the office. I was that desperate. After everything was settled, I rushed to the Rutherford building on the other side of the campus. I was given a slot at 10.30 am and upon reaching the lecture room I see my participants rushing out to have a coffee break. Now why would the Programme Coordinator give me a coffee break slot when he's well aware that students wouldn't stay to do my survey? Baffling and equally as frustrating. I could practically feel my face crack in disappointment.   

Excited and happy....

before data collection...

14/10/2009
I didn't give up. I asked for another slot and was given a 12.30 session on Wednesday. I sent Alden to school and brought Alva to the office again! This time, I asked Louise and Marilyn (from my Tulip story) to help me with the babysitting and to my relief, they were happy to do it. They are just the coolest people in the college! Anyway, after that was settled, I went to the Rutherford building to meet my elusive participants for the third time. You must be tired of reading this plot over and over again. But that's what happened. There were only three participants waiting  in the lecture room. A pathetic THREE. What could I possibly do with THREE students?  NOTHING! I decided to reschedule and told them to go home.

Kathy and Marilyn babysitting

As I walked out of the building, I felt sooo....sooo...sooo...??? Hmmm....there isn't a word to describe what I felt. Let's just say I felt robbed. Let's just use that expression for the time being ok? So as I was saying, I felt robbed and all alone in a cruel cruel world. And out of nowhere my mind started playing Celine Dion's "All by Myself" song and for the hundredth time, I was having that moment again. I never told you this but the truth is, when I'm in the blues, my mind seems to have a will of its own and it will always, always play that horrid song.

Livin alone, I thought of all the friends I've known,
but when I dial the telephone, nobody's home
All by myself, don't wanna be,
all by myself anymore...

I felt like I was in a sad music video.

This went on and on until I reached the office. All this to say that I was deeply affected by the students' no-show.

Now that I've written about it, I feel so much better. My mind is clearer (barangkali la) and I no longer feel 'robbed'. I guess the speaker was right. I am married to my PhD for better, for worse. And no matter what happens, in good times and in bad, I have to work at it and not give up. Divorce is not an option. Thank you for reading.

My Gray Week

I’ve been out of the blog world radar for exactly 9 days as I had too much going on in my life…..AS IF! Okay, the truth is, I was too lazy to even write a coherent sentence in my blog. Yup. I was feeling rather crappy. The somber weather’s to blame for my lack of mood: dark, gray, cold...basically all adjectives associated with the word GLOOMY. That’s how I’d describe the weather last week. It was so gray, it almost felt like winter.

Anyway, here’s a running total of what my gray week consisted of. (In the interest of not boring you to tears, I’m only highlighting the significant ones. Overly mundane activities such as changing diapers and usual office work will not be listed)

• Alva had her first visit to the Plunket centre
• We attended a Malaysian student gathering
• My little princess was baptised over the weekend :)

Alva's first visit to the Plunket clinic

Plunket is the country's largest provider of support service for health, development and well being of babies. Even before Alva was born, I have decided to enrol to Plunket care because it is the most established and popular support service in NZ. Upon enrolling to the Plunket programme, a registered nurse named Jane was assigned to provide support and care to me and Alva. Jane had initially made home visits to the house, but after two visits, we were asked to continue the scheduled checks at the Plunket centre instead.

Last Wednesday, we paid our first visit to the centre in Riccarton. I was particularly excited as I was dying to know Alva's weight. The check up started with a routine Q & A regarding Alva's development;  her sleeping habit, feedings and achievements. So much to keep track on and she's only 3 months! Anyway, after the Q & A, it was time for the physical assessment. We had to take her clothes off and weigh her on the scale. My heart flip-flopped when I saw the numbers on the screen: 5.5 kilograms! She'd gained another 750 grams since the last check up. Seeing this, I couldn't help but smile proudly and look at hubby with this expression that said "thanks to me and my breast milk!".  Okay, so maybe I was a bit too much there. Anyway, to make this story short and less corny, let me just say that all is well where Alva is concerned. Jane assured us that her growth is within the normal range and that we are doing a splendid job so far :)

This is Jane

Moving on to the next event...You might want to get a cup of coffee to go with this post, coz this is quite long.

Free Makan

So this happened last Saturday - 3rd October 2009. (Forgive me for my obsession with dates and time. I have this absurd sense of obligation to record each event accurately). There I was in our messy living room, still groggy at 10.45 a.m. I slept very very late the night before as I was busy decorating my virtual farm in Farm Ville - Octavia, if you're reading this, you should know that I owe this new addiction to you ;). That explains my waking up late on Saturday. So, as I was saying, I woke up late and started  planning our activity for the day. The plan was to shop for a special candle for Alva's baptism on Sunday. Other than that, there wasn't any other agenda. Since there wasn't any hurry or anything major to do, I started checking my mails on my UC student account. There was only one message in the inbox, sent on Friday. It read:

Hello Alice 

I wonder whether you know that tomorrow ada meeting KSU KPM or KPT with M'sian postgrads at Afghan Restaurant (Colombo/St.Asaph Street) at 12 -2p.m. You're invited and hope to see you there.

Of course I didn't know coz no one told me! I glanced at the clock, 11.00 a.m. already!! "We have to get there in an hour?!" Mayday!Mayday!Mayday! I hit the panic button and just went to pieces. As you can imagine, the next 50 minutes was spent running around the house in a mad rush. Kelam kabut with a capital K.

We managed to get ourselves ready in record time and dashed to the city. It was fairly easy to find the place and luckily for us there were plenty of parking spaces. We got out of the car and started making our way to the restaurant. When we finally made it across the busy road, we found ourselves facing not a restaurant but a door leading to a staircase. Funny, I thought. Since hubby was pushing Alva in the stroller, I had to go and check to see if the restaurant was indeed upstairs. Alden and I took the stairs and made it to the 1st Floor. I peeked inside and saw what appeared to be a fancy restaurant filled with many hungry-looking Malaysians. I told hubby, who was still waiting downstairs, that we were at the right place.

I pushed the glass door open and made my way into the crowded restaurant. It wasn't easy as I had this 15kg toddler in my arms. Alden just refused (vehemently) to walk into the restaurant and in an effort to avoid an ugly scene, I resorted to carrying him like a baby. When I walked in, conversations came to a shuddering halt and all eyes were on me. There was a minute of silence in the air, like malaikat/ angel limpas kind of moment you know. I was so thankful I had Alden in my arms because he served as my defense mechanism against those judgmental eyes.

They were staring not because I was wearing something fancy or anything. No. It was because I came with a toddler. Everyone else came solo! How could I have known?  I quickly found a table and sat down. Phew! After a few minutes, imagine their surprise when they saw hubby pushing Alva in the stroller, making his way towards me. They must have thought "What? Another baby? Who are these people?" Once again there was a momentary silence. Hubby joined me at the table and we looked at each other, both asking (in telepathy) "What the heck have we gotten ourselves into?" Talk about awkward!

After awhile people started ignoring us and we were happy again. Lalalalala..The guest of honour (a big shot in the Ministry of Higher Education whose name I forgot) came at 1.00pm and everyone stood up to welcome the Datuk and Datin. How very Malaysian! The lovely emcee then delivered her wonderful welcoming speech and to our surprise, included a plea (addressed to the Datuk) to increase our living allowances. Everyone cheered and applauded in support of this. Ha! ha! Then, it was the Datuk's turn to give a speech, taking an agonizing 15 minutes. Finally at 1.35 p.m. lunch was served buffet style. Free Malaysian food for all!

My free meal

The food was simply marvelous! You know that Anton Ego's revelation scene in Ratatouille, where Ego had a moment of euphoria eating the peasant dish? Well, I had that moment when I took a bite of the Tandoori chicken. Terus balik kampung. All the waiting and morning kelamkabutness was worth the effort because we had a really great meal that day. End of story.

This is the last one, I promise :-)

Alva's Christening

I promise you this is going to be brief. Alva and Ryan (Es' son) were baptised last Sunday at St. Patrick's Catholic church, Kaiapoi. It was done during mass and Carmille (Es' friend) had to stand in as a proxy because Alva's real godmother couldn't make it to the baptism (she's in KK!). Everything went really well. She didn't even cry when the priest poured the Holy water over her head. She was an angel! Too bad there were only 3 photos taken during the baptism - and I looked fugly in all of them.  After mass, we had a BBQ feast at Es' place to celebrate our babies' Christening. The End. I told you it was going to be short. I'll let the photos do the talking :-)

Rev. Father Michael, a Malaysian from Kelantan. Small world huh?

Alva and mommy :)

Princess Alva :)

Till the next post, God Bless!

Goofy Saturday

I woke up this morning with the words BIRTHDAY- AMIR - MCDONALDS – PRESENT - flashing in my head. They lingered in my brain, like flickers of words in a digital signage. It was really annoying cause I couldn't make it stop - the whole flashing thingy. After a few seconds of grogginess, I shook my head and somehow managed to decipher the word puzzle. It simply meant: NEED TO ATTEND BIRTHDAY PARTY AT MCDONALDS, AT 10.30 AM – GET A PRESENT FOR AMIR’S SON (Btw, Amir is my office mate).

So it was already 9.15 a.m. and I was the only one up. Hubby and the kids were still in slumberland, snoring away in oblivion. Ahhh...with a heavy heart, I woke them up hesitantly and started getting ready. We showered, dressed, packed baby bag and Alden’s toys, put baby in the capsule and got in the car. Phew! Getting ready with two little people is like going on a packing marathon.

Now where was I? Right. To McDonalds. We still needed to get a present for Sina (Amir’s son) so we headed to Westfield Riccarton. I bought him a Lego-like construction set which was on-sale and wrapped it up in the car. Can you imagine how very kelam kabut I was? Well anyway, we were finally ready to attend the birthday party and I was all excited and smiling. We went into a very crowded McDonalds and headed straight to the function room, where the party was held.

Amir and his wife welcomed us cheerfully and got Alden a chair. It was obvious that the party was meant for kids and kids alone. All the parents were standing up, watching their little tots sit together, having their own little happy meals. A really cute sight! Alden was a bit uncomfortable with the crowd because most of the kids were bigger than his usual 3-year-old acquaintances in Pre School. But after awhile, he was okay. Alva was in her own baby world, happy and contented.

 *Now I’ll switch to BM coz takut nanti tu kawan sia terbaca ni blog.

Dukacitanya, kami semua tiada makan breakfast jadi kelaparan gila la kami (kecuali Alden and Vava). Ibu bapa nda kena kasi makan. Kena suruh datang bawa anak saja, tapi I wasn't aware of this. Kena kasi sedia kupi 3 in 1 sama air panas and biskut dlm tin bulat saja. Doi dogo. Style layan diri la ba ni. Mcm dua org saja parents pi minum tu kupi habis kena letak di saaaaaaaaaaana pelusuk ba, susa mau ambi. Semua pun mcm kelaparan and nda sabar mau pulang habis mau dekat lunch time suda and org datang dari 10 am lagi. Lain kan???? Kami expect mcm birthday party McDonald di KK la, ada makan for ibu bapa. I mean, normal la ba tu kan? Culture shock juga, tapi nda apala, kami tahan lapar ja. Kalau kami order something, nanti awkward juga tu situation coz kami suda masuk tu function room and susa mau keluar. So after 1 jam, kami said bye bye, Alden dapat party pack and then kami tapuk tapuk pi tapau McDonald. Kami beli yg sana Drive Thru. Hehe. 

So we were home and we had our own little feast. Hubby and I talked about the party and the cake and how awkward Alden behaved. He didn't enjoy himself at the party. That was obvious. I knew he wanted to join the other kids, but was too tensed to do so. But it’s okay. At home, in his comfort zone, he sort of relived the whole party scene and spent the whole day goofing around with his dad.

In reflection, today has been quite an interesting Saturday for me. I learned a thing or two about birthday parties and that is: to prepare early when attending one and never ever go with perut kosong :-)

 

Walking on air

This is going to be a very short post. As short as one paragraph and probably less than 150 words. I don't even know why I mentioned that...I guess years of teaching essay writing in class has conditioned me to think about paragraphs, topic sentences, word limit etc when it comes to writing. But anyway, this is NOT an essay, so I can blab about what I need to blab in one paragraph. The main idea of this post is: I WILL BE FLYING BACK TO KK NEXT YEAR!!!! YES, NEXT YEAR. 349 days from now :-D Thanks to CL who told me about the AIRASIA BIG SALE (God Bless Dato' Tony Fernandez!), I have managed to purchase a one-way ticket from Melbourne to KL at an unbelievable price. So here's the plan. We're flying from Christchurch to Melbourne, Melbourne to KL and finally KL to KK. Home sweet home...ahhhh...Can you imagine how ecstatic I am? I don't think so. I have been high in cloud nine for the last 24 hours, thinking about my balik kampung trip next year. Thank you CL, thank you AIRASIA. Now, everyone in the family can fly - and that's my closure for this short paragraph of a post!