July 31, 2009

Home is where the heart is

Time really flies. 27 days ago, my family came all the way from KK to be with me during my confinement. Those 27 days came and went like a gush of wind...The minutes, hours and days seemed shorter and just like that, they're gone. When they were here, I got the old taste of home which was so warm, loving and wonderful. It was just as wonderful as I had imagined for many many months. It felt so good to have them here that I momentarily 'forget' the luxury was temporary. I had forgotten how painful it was to say goodbye to them 9 months ago. I had forgotten how difficult it was to hold my tears. I had forgotten how sad it felt to let go.

Five hours ago, I was reminded of all those feelings as I waved my family goodbye. As I walked out from the departure hall, I tell myself that it will be okay. I am not 'okay' right now but I will be...All I need is time.

I dedicate this poem to my sister. 

Dear Cha 

If I could have my way, 
I'd fly back to KK, I'll forget about PhD, 
so I can keep you company; 
If I could have my way,
I'd ask and beg you to stay,
I'll get you a visa and you say "okay" 
We'd go shopping at Westfield every day; 
If I could have my way, 
I'd fast forward this journey, 
Tomorrow would be graduation day, 
I'd be home, with my victory; 
Sadly, I can't have my way you see, 
I know it's tough for you and me, 
But that day will come I guarantee, 
I'll graduate, just wait and see. 

Love U :-)

July 17, 2009

The Baby Story: Part 1

I have thought about writing this post hundreds of times but every time I started, words just elude me. I find it to be such an ordeal to describe the emotions of having my second baby that I almost gave up on writing. Yeah, call me dramatic but it was that difficult for me. It wasn't until today that I finally garnered the will to write. Here's the first part of my baby story.

Baby Alva was born via c-section on 26 June 2009 at approximately 10.48 a.m. She weighed about 2.605 kg and measured 49 cm. The moment they pulled her out of my tummy, I must admit I was more surprised than thrilled to finally see her. First of all, she cried so loudly that I was a bit taken aback by her ungirly-baby cries (since she's a girl I was expecting a more melodious sound). Secondly, at one glance, she looked so much like her dad, that I was thinking "alamak, this one has small eyes too?". So, you can't really blame me for not being thrilled automatically. I was after all anesthetized.

After they've weighed, measured and cleaned her, the midwife quickly brought her to me and gave us the "skin to skin" contact. It was then that I could hold her and really see her for the first time after 38 weeks of pregnancy. Bundled in a white towel, she was very quiet and comfortable, looking adorably helpless and fragile. I looked at the tiny bundle on my breasts and it was at that moment that I fell in love with her. "I have finally popped and here she is!" I told myself. The skin to skin bonding was really wonderful and it gave me warm feelings all over. I felt relieved, overwhelmed, happy, amused, excited and in awe. It was so surreal to me that I couldn't believe I managed to go through another grueling c-section for the second time. It was unpleasant, yes. But all the pain was worth the effort. I have finally gotten my Barbie doll :-) Baby Alva Hazelle Alexius