April 19, 2011

Gym Class Monster

Last week, I went to my first Xtrain class at the College. According to the gym's website, the class is "a combination of aerobics routines designed to improve muscles and cardio fitness". It sounded perfect for me so I decided to give it a go.

Friday evening, I got ready for class. It was hard to get out of the house but it was well worth it when I arrived at the gym to find a very enthusiastic instructor waiting for me. I mean us, the students. Mr D, who appeared to be in his late forties wasn't what I expected at all. Yes, he was very fit but I had imagined someone a lot younger and more appealing. Someone like Christiano Ronaldo.

A girl can dream right?

At exactly 5.30 pm, Mr D started the class with a low-impact routine; march - side-step - leg curl. He used an upbeat disco music from the 70s which kept everyone entertained. Well, everyone except me. I can't stomach tunes from the 70s so the songs were kind of nauseating for me. Having said that, I did enjoy the workout.

Four routines and five disco songs later, Mr D stopped the music. What a relief! I watched as he changed the CD and waited patiently for what I hoped was a song from this century. When he finally pushed PLAY, my brain almost exploded.  It was Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Staying Alive, Staying Alive.

As you can imagine, I felt like killing Mr D. 

I know I should have casually left the gym, but I didn't. I kept my cool and stayed for the next routine. It wasn't easy, I assure you. This one involved a bit of jogging and lots of squatting. The squats are tricky cos you need to go down low and squeeze your butt cheeks together, tightly. Seven minutes in, my knee started acting up. When Mr D noticed that some of us weren't doing it right, he boomed "common! tighten those muscles!" When that didn't scare us, he threatened to check our butt cheeks.  Damnit! I had to put on a show and squat like I've never squatted before. When I was done, my calves felt like jelly.

After that gruesome routine, Mr D decided to continue the torture. He divided us into 2 teams and placed us on the opposite end of the gym. Team 1's job was to squat as many times as possible and high-five the runners  from Team 2. Our job in Team 2 was to run to the opposite end of the gym and high-five the people in Team 1. We needed to do this for the entire duration of 5 minutes, going back and forth, back and forth until Mr D blew the whistle.

This was worse than the squatting act cos I had to run non-stop. I huffed and puffed, cursed in my head, huffed puffed, cursed in my head, huffed and puffed and cursed some more. My muscles were aching but I continued to run. My ego wouldn't let me quit.

At one point, I was running  shoulder to shoulder with a Kiwi girl 3 times my size. I was comfortable at that pace but I decided to kick it up a notch by getting ahead of her. When I eventually did, my heart soared! YAY!!! Now I wasn't the slowest runner anymore! She was.

30 seconds later, all that changed. I had to stop abruptly  cos I got these really bad cramps across my stomach.  I went to a corner and bent over to ease the pain. Now if you've ever watched one of the initial episodes of The Biggest Loser, you'll probably have seen those contestants who were pushed so hard that they broke down and cried. It wasn't that dramatic for me, but like those contestants, I felt like dying. I was panting for air and taking deep breaths. When Mr D saw me, he shouted "Common..Keep running!" That got everyone's attention. My face felt warm with embarassment but I wasn't budging. I ignored Mr D and the rest of the world.

After a few minutes, the cramps eased. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was 6.15pm. Great. Ten more minutes before it's over. I concentrated as the Psycho started a cool down routine - lots of stretching and bending etc. The music? An epic song from the 70s of course. He'd play the same tune  till hell freezes over. Oh! You know what else he did? During the cool down bits, he sang along to the music with the microphone turned on. O-M-G. It was the most annoying thing EVER. I hated it as much as I hate Jacob Lusk's over-the-top performances.

When the class finally ended, Mr D thanked everyone and told us to attend the next session on Monday. Though it sounded excitingly suicidal  and FUN, *eye roll* I decided to pass. I didn't want to aggravate my hypertension.

This week, I'm attending a Zumba class conducted by a very cool instructor.  She plays music from this era and she doesn't use aggression. Thanks to Mr D, I can now tell the difference between good and bad instructors.

April 4, 2011


Hi everyone! I am feeling ecstatic today because my mom is finally here!!!

Do you know what this means? It means that I can now spend more time writing my thesis. Yay!! Hubby and I can now go on a date without the kids. Yay!! I can finally take long showers without having to worry about Alden pulling Vava's hair. Yay!! What else? Oh! I can probably make an appointment with the hairdresser next week! Yay!

I am so happy!!! To help you understand the extent of my ecstasy, I present you this awesome video. Enjoy!