Write a Great Story, I must

I haven’t written for ages because of my thesis. I don’t even have the privilege of surfing the net without thinking about it. It’s like a disease you know. Plaguing my entire being; body, mind and spirit.
 

I'm not being dramatic. Just two months ago, I was diagnosed with hypertension and was advised to meditate and loosen up. That's the physical effect. Mental effect? Well, for a start, my mind is screwed. I can’t stop thinking about SPSS and those numbers in the spreadsheet. I see them when I’m driving, sleeping, eating and even when I’m meditating. I’m probably doing it all wrong cos I don't really know any meditation teachniques. How do you really meditate when that little voice in your head just won't shut up? 

"Ba, meditate...Should I sit cross-legged?
Macam nda ngam saja ni....is this meditation?

After 3 minutes....

How long should I do this ah?
Nah! lupa tingu jam... haiya, let's start over

Reset
Okay, now stop talking and start meditating la.
Ba, meditate....

Hopeless.

BUT. All is not lost. After a few attempts, I came up with a great technique which is so easy! Just spell the word N-O-T-H-I-N-G in your head and repeat it over and over again until all you could picture is N-O-T-H-I-N-G. You can also picture the word in colours, if that makes you happy. Smart eh? My sister says I’m losing it.

Okay. Spiritual effects? Well, let’s just say I have turned into a gloomy, low-spirited mortal who doesn’t get excited over petty stuff anymore. Before this thing called PhD, I see myself as a bubbly, person who gets excited over a little scrunchie or when there’s a season-clearance sale at Pagani, or when GLEE is playing on TV. Not anymore. Now, I have this big catastrophy to worry about, so all fun things in the world can wait.

And then there's Yoda. Yoda, Yoda, Yoda. He holds the key to everything cos he is the only one with the light sabers and I mean heaps and heaps of them. He's a light saber hoarder I tell you! As my jedi master, one would think that he'd arm me with one of his lights sabers to help clear off the dark confusion in my thesis-writing right? No. He is one luki fella. He said he'll only give it to me IF I tell him a great story.

That's the catch.

I would love to write him that great story but I don't know what the plot is. There're so many characters involved and everything is super complicated. Of course, in my story, these characters are called variables, dependent and independent variables, and all of them are having an affair with each other. Interesting right?

Anyway, this is the gist of what transpired during our discussion yesterday. Do you mind reading this with an accent? Yoda's a British.

Yoda: Now, I want you to tell me a story. What do the numbers mean? (Looking at me intently)

He was referring to the statistical analyses. I told him what I knew but each answer led to a new question.

Yoda: Right. At this stage, you need to look at these analyses and think about what they mean. And then you need to come up with a diagramatic framework of writing strategies....(discussion about correlation results followed)

I said Okay to everything.

Yoda: Now, let's look at the results again. What can you tell me? Why do you think it appears as negative in Group A and C but not in Group B? 

I was clueless.

Yoda: It's okay to say I don't know. 

Me: I don't know.

Yoda: Okay. Let's see....Maybe.....bla bla bla bla bla bla...

He came up with a brilliant argument to describe the results so I tried to jot down every single thing he said.

Me: Can you repeat that Yoda?

Yoda: Nope nope nope! I'm not going to do that. (smiling smugly)

Me: You said something about a new strategy progressing...an effect of increased L2 proficiency???

Yoda: Yes, somewhere along those lines. Work on that argument.(still smiling smugly)

Baboon ba si Yoda ni. Tambah lagi my high blood pressure.

Yoda: So, as I was saying, you need to have a think about what these numbers mean. Don’t give up when things get difficult, cos it’s supposed to be.

There was a pause....He was looking at me to see if I was paying attention.

Yoda: You need to extract whatever is in here (points to head) and get them down on paper. This is when your brain explodes (hand gestures demonstrating an explosion) cos there’s just too much for the brain to take!!!

I'm kidding (He chuckled)

How is that funny?! It isn't funny at all! I'm starting to think that he likes seeing me suffer.

Yoda: Now have a think about it, and tell me a story when you're ready. Same time next week?

That's why I haven't written. I need a plot for my big story.

Anyway, Gong Xi Fa Cai to all of you who celebrate the occasion. May the force be with you.