Cracking under pressure

When I first met Yoda, one of the first few things he asked me was “How do you work best?” The question sounded innocent enough so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I work best under pressure”, I answered candidly, without missing a beat. Little did I know I was actually being analysed and that my responses would determine the way I was going to be supervised.  

If I had just dug a little deeper, I would have discovered that Yoda’s expertise was not limited to literacy acquisition and learning difficulties. Prior to moving to University of Canterbury, he was a lecturer in psychology who studied individual differences. Being an expert in the field, Yoda knows the different conditions under which a person can fulfil his full potential. So,  asking me questions regarding my work habits, experiences and my interests was his clever, subtle way of studying me.

Based his psychoanalysis, Yoda decided I should get the right amount of pressure in order to work well. Over the course of my study, he has given me heaps of motivation in the form of pressure. My data collection work, analysis, research drafts and presentations were mostly done UNDER PRESSURE. My proposal defense for example, was delivered 13 hours before I gave birth to Alva. And that was after I snuck out of the hospital. I work so well under pressure that it has literally become part of my life. Why, last February, I was diagnosed with hypertension stage 2. That’s the epitome of pressure don’t you think?

Until this very day, Yoda still insists on having weekly meetings so that I can continue writing my thesis on UNDER PRESSURE. I should probably tell him I don't want to work like this anymore but I figured, it’s too late now. I have 8 more months to go.

I'm having one of those weekly meetings tomorrow where I’m supposed to submit the discussion section of Chapter 5. But here I am. Writing a blog post instead. I should be writing the first paragraph but I have zero inspiration to craft an outline. Everything's so fuzzy, I don't even know where to begin. *Sigh*

Strangely enough, I don’t have an ounce of guilt and it seems my lack productivity does nothing to my conscience.  But what really bothers me is the fact that I am no longer motivated by pressure. I have less than 10 hours to get things done and yet I am not panicking. What is happening to me?

Is there another way I could work better? Or should I just take Hamm's advice and get hysterical? 

At the moment, the latter seems to be the best choice.  

"Hamm: This is the perfect time to be hysterical!!!"